As long as I remember, I felt in love with my boyfriend before we met face to face. I had what you might call a "spiritual love." In my intuition, I felt as if we were perfect for each other. Zach and I met about 2 and a half years ago and I won't lie...I was really attracted to him. Even though he thinks very low of himself and thinks he needs a lot of improvement in the looks department, I think he is gorgeous, movie star gorgeous. He's got a winning smile, fit body, and eyes where if I look into them, I feel like I'm strolling through a warm Autumn forest. I guess we started having problems about 2 months into the relationship.
He found out that I was being "friendly" to other men on my (now non-existant) MySpace and Facebook. I guess he got jealous of me paying the attention I could have on him with other men. So I deleted the profiles and was social network free for a few months. But our minds wandered around like we weren't satisfied with our own personal love lives. I was curious and still naive when I was 19 and came with the idea of bringing a 3rd-party into the relationship. Talk about buzzkill for our relationship. When I think about it now, I might of made a major mistake in our sex lives. I just wanted to spice up our relationship and I was still confused about my lacking sex life. I sometimes felt as if Zach didn't think I was attractive to his standards. We went to 1 counseling session and talked about the issue and it helped but it was only 1 session. I mean, counseling IS expensive. As we went along, we were happy but I noticed that he was started getting hostile with me. He wasn't calling me names but he was definitely annoyed with how I acted when I was with him. And it's still that way today.
While Zach is totally open about his childhood and teenage life, not so much in my case. I guess I'm not the most interesting person to blab about my life. His life was full of vibrance and action, mine is ho-hum and a little boring. I don't have much to talk about like he does. I know him more than he knows me. Zach is older by 3 years and has more things to talk about I guess. He also feels like I don't do my part in the relationship. He's the one to cook and clean while I'm the one who sits back and watches TV. The gender roles have switched for us. My relationship with him has taken a big bang recently.
In October 2010, he moved into my house and took a trip to Kentucky to see his Grandfolks. We have had a set-in-stone agreement that if I go out with my friends, I'll let him come with me and meet them. But when he was in Kentucky, two of my friends had their 21sts and I was invited. I didn't want to rudefully decline an invitation so I went. My boyfriend is jealous of the thought of other men looking at me and "hitting" on me. I guess he's what you all would call "over-protective" but I like the protectiveness he gave me. But I told him that I went out to my friends' bdays and supposedly, he was going to propose to me when he came back from Kentucky.
Recently, I was watching "The Reader" with him one weekend with him and I was curious, I asked him, "Are you still in love with me like you were when you first met me?" At the time, he replied, "Yes...I am." But this past weekend, he sat me down and told me that he thought about it all week and he told me that he has actually fallen out of love with me and wants to try being best friends with me. I don't know why but I have a reason to think so. He's been talking about the topic of "love" with our friend Ken, who is a Montessori teacher and is gay. Now, I don't know what the both of them talk about but Zach's mind always races with thoughts and he can't shut his mind off (he has a form of ADD). He thinks that love is a fake feeling. Guess he has a confusion with the meaning of love. All these years to me seem like he's been joking with our relationship and it hurts me. I don't understand how he could tell that to me after almost 2 and a half years being together. He just has the feeling that we didn't get to know each other as friends before we got into the relationship, which is something that I agree with. C'mon, we met on MySpace! We met F2F only a month after meeting/talking to each other online. I guess things happen for a reason. Only, this reason deeply hurts me.
What do you think? I would like some input.
